Originally published in the July 6th, 1895 issue of Home Chat by Lady Constance Howard, who also authored the book Etiquette, What to Do, and How to Do It, a free download from Archive.org.

Exciting and wealthy guests to ensure lively conversation. The Earl and Countess of Lathom, their sons, daughters, and beloved dogs.

Etiquette of Dinners

By Lady Constance Howard

Guests should be punctual. It is a terrible want of courtesy to arrive at 8.30 when eight o’clock is the hour specified; added to which, unpunctuality is unfair to the cook, and spoils the dinner.

To obtain the reputation of giving good and agreeable dinners, three things are necessary to produce a harmonious whole.

First, that your guests should be chosen to suit each other, and that the right lady should be sent in with the right gentleman, otherwise vexation of the spirit is the forerunner of the party.

Secondly, that they should be remarkable for something—either beauty, wit, talent, money—and that you should be certain of such a flow of light conversation that no one can be bored or feel in any way neglected.

Thirdly, that your dinner should be of the very best your means will afford; a good plain dinner without pretension, if your income is small, every delicacy of the culinary art, and the wine of the very best if you are blessed with much money. With these three necessities, the hostess may eat her dinner in comfort, secure in the knowledge that the verdict of her guests will be in her favour.

Two topics of conversation are best avoided— religion and politics; and the hostess who possesses tact will not discuss music or painting with persons who have no taste for either.

From 10.30 to eleven o’clock is the usual time for carriages to be ordered after a dinner party, unless the dinner is followed by a ball, concert, or other entertainment in the same house.

A lady’s cloak is taken from her in the hall by the butler, or she is shown into the cloak-room where the maid relieves her of it. The same with a gentleman, he leaves his hat and coat in the entrance-hall, or in the cloak-room, where there is one.

Ladies wear gloves at dinner parties, which they remove in the dining-room. It is not necessary for gentlemen to wear them.

A lady is received on entering the room by the host or hostess, and after her, welcome is accorded to her husband, son, or whatever gentleman accompanies her.

Guests are asked their names by the servant, and then announced to the host or hostess.  The host escorts the lady of highest rank to dinner; the hostess follows with the gentlemen of highest precedence.

No gentleman escorts two ladies, and relations do not go to dinner in couples; all relationship is lost sight of, precedency alone is thought of. If your dinner is to be a success, there should be a corresponding number of ladies and gentlemen; In England, etiquette requires that the lady a gentleman has escorted to dinner is placed on his right hand; abroad, she sits on his left.

At most dinner-parties there will be a “bore,” man or woman. No one will be a “bore” who notes the eyes and postures of those with whom he converses, and no one need force himself or herself habitually on the unwilling notice of others.

One menu is allowed to every couple, and should be placed in front of them, so as to be easily read.

Alesandro Filippini

by Alessandro Filippini, head chef of the famous Delmonico’s in New York, 1889

Nearly every family of means is in the habit of giving a few dinners to its friends during the year. As a matter of course, the members of the family are, in return, invited to “dine out.”

If you invite your friends to a dinner, you should not wish them to go away dissatisfied. After a varied experience of many years, both in this country and in Europe, the author feels that no apologies are necessary if he endeavors to enlighten our epicures and dinner-givers as to how to arrange and serve a fine dinner, from commencement to close, after the manner of the French.

It should not be forgotten that much depends upon the appearance of the table, and the manner of serving the courses. In fact, more success can be attained by studied attention to the room, the table, and the serving of the courses, than in the preparation of costly viands.

On entering a dining-room, the first object which strikes the eye is the table. If the table is void of flowers, and other side decorations, including olives, radishes, and celery, tastefully arranged napkins and wineglasses, an impression is given of a boarding-house table. On the contrary, when you see a beautifully decorated and artistically arranged table, the heart is immediately gladdened.

A proper regard should be given to the comfort of the guests as regards temperature. Have the room neither too cold nor too warm; the temperature should never exceed sixty degrees. The dining-room should be well aired before dinner commences. Great care should be taken that the dinner be served very hot. Noises with plates and glasses should be avoided.

There is as much system in serving a fine dinner as there is in running a railroad, or in any other business. French dinners are generally served in three main courses, vix., Relevés, Entrées, and Rotis; all the rest are considered side courses. It depends entirely on the taste of the host as to how many main courses he desires served. The author would suggest to relevés, three entrées, and one or two rotis; this could be made an elaborate dinner.

Naturally, what you shall serve will depend entirely on what there is in market at the season. For instance, you cannot serve brook-trout in January, or canvas-back  duck during the months of June, July, August, or September. However, the very best in the market should invariably be selected.

Care should be taken to have the wines at the right temperature. Sherry, Sauterne, Chablis, and Rhine wines should always be served cold. Champagne should be served very cold, almost at the freezing-point. Bordeaux and Burgundy should be kept twelve hours before dinner in a room at a temperature of seventy degrees. Servants should be instructed not to fill the glasses more than three-fourths full; for guests are in danger of soiling their dresses, and again, it is not considered good form.